Eternal Winter

We’re mates with Asmodeus, yeah!

Hello again, faithful fans. If you are reading this, then we survived our hellish ordeal and I am currently awash in wine and pussy. If we failed, then nobody will read this except for maybe a devil as he wipes his hot red ass with these pages. In either case, there is not much point in putting in a lot of extra effort and filigree here. I’ll keep it pretty simple. So onward I write, with Danthu blood on the end of the thorn.

Our companions popped out of the Pokeball with fey cocktails in hand, expecting us to be in a comfortably Gnomish castle. Imagine their delight when their cocktails instantly withered to dust in the blast furnace heat and dust of this hellish plane that Talithe, Markus and I executively decided to jump into. Welcome to Hell, Steeple, Wreth, and Grimm!

After enduring some general bitching and moaning, we left the cave to see a wide expanse of hot ass kicking. Far in the distance was a large peak with a village of some sort at its base, so we figured we should go there. We were on the side of a mountain, and a long, long chain bridge led to another peak. Below were spiky rocks and lava so we took a bit of extra care. I tied myself to Steeple.

At the far end, before a large door, was a strange deformed corpse. Wait, not a corpse. It got up and went in the door. We just saw our first Danthu, and they are nasty and devilish looking. We followed it but did not see it. We were in an octagonal room—you know you’re in for a fight when you are in a big octagon—with gears along its edges and a level in the middle. Of course we pulled the lever and whoosh, we were on our way down a huge elevator. Soon we were joined by several Danthu paratrooping down from above. They were tough and weird but we could handle it. We enjoyed pushing them into the whirring gears, which chewed them up impressively. One fun moment was when Grimm missed his target so badly that his axe got stuck in the elevator’s central pillar, and Grimm was instantly left high above us, clinging to the axe, as we descended. He came back with a vengeance (as is his wont) and headstomped a few beasties.

They were soon all dead and we were at the bottom. We made our way across a desert and went down into a canyon that we otherwise could not cross. We found a fireproof fence which we played with like kids who had never had a toy before. Hell makes you miss the simple things.

As we travelled in the canyon toward the now unseen village, we caught up to a formidable party: a Hell Knight, riding a Nightmare, and two Rage Devils. I immediately made a huge hit with them thanks to my large repertoire of extremely derogatory “a demon walks into a bar” jokes {I rolled a 20 on the Diplomacy roll}. They revealed that they were headed to the village as well. How nice, to do what Mr. Knight? Why, to kill all the Danthu there, said he. Oh, can we come along, said I? Why not, said he. So we all moved along arm in arm until Markus decided to shit on the lily by striking up a “conversation” with them. In this chat Markus claimed to personally know Asmodeus, their boss. As even devils walking in a sulphurous landscape can smell bullshit, they got ticked off by this claim, and before long Markus talked us into a fight. Thanks, eyeball. However, he made good during the fight with a very impressive leaping strike that killed the knight. But before this, this gang were a lot of fun to play with. The Nightmare charged around leaving a Fiery Trail of Suspiciously Long Duration {Dylan accidentally let the fire trail burn for the whole encounter instead of just one turn} and trompling us. Grimm got a big undead woody for the horse and kept urging us not to kill it but to knock it out so he can tame it, Ash-style. This we did and as I write this he is trying to cajole an extremely evil-looking horse with bits of food. The only food we have being Elven waybread, which for some reason a devil horse does not fancy, and bits of its former master toasted on a stick, which it seems to enjoy. This is not a horse we can stable at the local village, so it will be interesting to see how all this plays out. We’re going to call him Chuckles.

As the knight died, he told us he was charged with the duty to stop the Danthu from coming through the portal. Oops, looks like we killed our potential ally, but I have a feeling we’d have come into conflict eventually anyway, him being a devil and all. Some dude named Maurus led the Danthu to this plane, Maurus being an enemy of the knight’s boss (and drinking buddy) Asmodeus. Asmo (as his friends call him) told the knight to find a blade which can close the portal to the material plane, and said blade was on the big mountain we were heading toward. Another blade to find! Doesn’t anyone around here use KEYS to open and close things??



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